Men, una no go vex oh! I seem to be saying that quite a lot these days. Anyhow, the tin be say na ignorance na im make una bro nefer attend to dis blog. Wetin happen be say because i get gmail e com wan tie am to my blogspot so therefore your guy com confuse. Anytime wey i try log in, e go say make i build new blog page. Fa fa fa fowl! Build gini...dem no know say na manage i take dey write dis one. many many tins don happen since i last write. Na where i go start now, abeg make una help me. Na for the rambos wey dey wear socks over their head say na balaclava abi na for the so called election wey dem do for Naija. Abeg make una leave all those ones, dem be old gist.
But wait first oh, i been tink say na hungry na im dey do those boys on balaclava. But e be like say since EFCC don kolobi dem 419 dis na the next money making scheme. Una tink say na so dem dey release those people. Dat na why dem say na hostage taking. When dem kidnap the person the next tin na for dem to settle the kidnappers. Una no hear the gist wey dem kidnap dis group of oyinbo dem, dem com send out signal to the company dem say "oya oh, make una com claim una people and pay the ramsom". Dem don claim all the people so tey e remain one. Na im dem ask the man say which kind oyinbo you com be sef wey dem no wan claim you. Na im e answer dem say "bros na una no let me talk, me i be wafi boy"...
What of the small girl wey dem kidnap, una no hear wen naija media label am as british toddler. If to sey dem say the pikin na genius you for don hear dem say na naija born. Abi na only me see am? Pikin wey im mama na naija, abi una no hear the name, Oluchi, baba oruko! How many footballers wey one or both parents be naija wey no send naija wey dem dey hail as "Nigerian born". Ignoramus, make dem wake up and smell the gutter.
Wen you look all dis matter up and down you go realise say we get a long way to go. The contracts wey dem dey give for those oil producing regions run into billions of naira but the money no dey ever reach the people demselves. For me oh, no be only gofment dem suppose dey fight but na dem broders wey suppose dey look after dem interest but dey kolobi the money for dem selves. Dis na the time for efrebody to change dem style.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Wetin dey happen?
Wetin dey oh!
My peeple i travel make una no vex. Where i travel go? As una kno dem get difren difren kind travel. Dem get air travel, rail travel, astral travel, spiritual travel, undergee travel and many many more. Na de undergee one na im i do. E remain small i for lost patapata for undergee, we tank the lord.
Election time don reach again oh! Naija own brand of political campaign don start. Na im be say many many peeple go dey a limb or two less by de end of de election. Naija own campaign no be thru media oh! Na to hack down any opposition. Dem campaign expenses go look somtin like dis
My peeple i travel make una no vex. Where i travel go? As una kno dem get difren difren kind travel. Dem get air travel, rail travel, astral travel, spiritual travel, undergee travel and many many more. Na de undergee one na im i do. E remain small i for lost patapata for undergee, we tank the lord.
Election time don reach again oh! Naija own brand of political campaign don start. Na im be say many many peeple go dey a limb or two less by de end of de election. Naija own campaign no be thru media oh! Na to hack down any opposition. Dem campaign expenses go look somtin like dis
- 10% for media
- 30% to bribe officials
- 10% for campaign tshirts, banners etc
- 50% fund to eliminate opponents
If you dey contest against person wey holo wad pass you, you don already lose be dat. Not only sey you go lose de election but also de money wey you don invest. And if you no careful you go lose you life join am.
Anyway na dem sabi! Na wen person don chop beleful na im dem go com decide say time don reach to die. Na dat time dem go sign dem death warrant by going into politics.
Person wey get ear make him hear, it ain't worth it! Contribute to de development of ya contry but no let greed make you wan be politician.
A yin gana fun!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Laugh and Cry
Una hear say Jay-Z and beyonce go naija. True talk man. Thisday newpapers carry dem come for independence show. Dem say wen Beyonce come stop de show come sing naija national anthem say some people dey cry. Dem say de girl voice na like mami water. I gree say na im voice dey make dem cry. Wen dem go remember dem suffer for africa how dem no go cry. Dem go look say and na God create dem wit Beyonce oh! Abi na de alatika voices wey dem Salawa Abeni get na im go make dem cry. Abeg cry my people! After you go don pay $200 take go watch Jay-Z, for morning your eye go come down. Na dat time you go start d real cry. Dat $200 na for popular side oh! Na $800 for VIPs! Abeg hep me convert am to Naira.
Make una no get me wrong oh. E good say at least in d midst of sufferhead we still fit enjoy ourselves. D good tin be say at least area boys too fit make some small change. As i hear say many of dem become "impromtu parking attendants".
On anoder matter, Bill Gates go Ota go see baba. Baba go don prepare for am. I'm sure say e go don give Bill "injection". Wetin be injection? You no understand? Ok e go don pin am! How can you say that, he is the president of Nigeria you know. I gree! You tink say na d kind pinning wey you and me dey do? Dis na on anoder level men. Abi dem tell you say dem don finis build presidential library? Abeg d one wey i talk don do, before dem give Ribadu my number (no shaking Ribadu, me gan na espirit de corps). Na now i remember espirit de corps. Na naija way be dat; by any means necessary.
Meanwhile, e get anoder kind pinning wey fit happen an minute from now. No pretend like say you nefer hear say baba and atiku wan wound each other. Na heavy action! Na who you tink say go win. Dis na WWF abi na WBF,Sky Lolo or Little Boy Blue, make you judge.
Make una no get me wrong oh. E good say at least in d midst of sufferhead we still fit enjoy ourselves. D good tin be say at least area boys too fit make some small change. As i hear say many of dem become "impromtu parking attendants".
On anoder matter, Bill Gates go Ota go see baba. Baba go don prepare for am. I'm sure say e go don give Bill "injection". Wetin be injection? You no understand? Ok e go don pin am! How can you say that, he is the president of Nigeria you know. I gree! You tink say na d kind pinning wey you and me dey do? Dis na on anoder level men. Abi dem tell you say dem don finis build presidential library? Abeg d one wey i talk don do, before dem give Ribadu my number (no shaking Ribadu, me gan na espirit de corps). Na now i remember espirit de corps. Na naija way be dat; by any means necessary.
Meanwhile, e get anoder kind pinning wey fit happen an minute from now. No pretend like say you nefer hear say baba and atiku wan wound each other. Na heavy action! Na who you tink say go win. Dis na WWF abi na WBF,Sky Lolo or Little Boy Blue, make you judge.
Long time!
Long time abi lon time! na where you kon dey since? Oh men unu no go vex oh. Na my pikin kon wan do 1st birthday so na all systems go. na small com chop we been plan oh! De preparation nko? Na military precision and im we take do am, if not de tin for get k leg. Anyway, i happy to tell una say e go well. Where una own cake? I no get crayon i for draw am for una. When i don arrange mysef small i go show una some pics of my pikin. I hear say some small small boys parents don dey campaign. Make una kill dat dream. i don pay money make dem for take train two rotweillers wey i go station for my doormot.
i say una nefer hear from me small time, na im i say make i touch down. If i shell small, make una no vex oh English teachers. Na pidgin english na im i take dey write. Yes oh! Excuse full ground remain.
i get orishirishi matter to talk but na for my next posting.
cheerio!
i say una nefer hear from me small time, na im i say make i touch down. If i shell small, make una no vex oh English teachers. Na pidgin english na im i take dey write. Yes oh! Excuse full ground remain.
i get orishirishi matter to talk but na for my next posting.
cheerio!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Police & CCTV
My people, na me oh! I don come again. How una dey? I troway salute! Many many tins dey my mind na im make una nefer hear from me. I don tink so tey e be like say my head wan shrink. Wetin dey make me tink? Askor!
Anyway, inside tis tink tink na im i come begin tink about one tin wey dem write for naija paper. Wen i read am, i come digest am, i no con know weder to laugh or cry for my country. Wetin i read? No be IG for Naija police come talk sey dem wan put CCTV for Abuja and Lagos make dem take dey monitor crime. Abeg where i wan start dis discussion. Na light own we go talk abi na expertise abi na hunger wey wan kill policemen.
How dem plan power cctv wen dem dey for perpetual darkness. Ok not perpertual darkness but e remain small. If power supply dey as erratic as e dey now, e go hard dem to fit power the cctv oh. Abi una no see am so? Dem fit just dey follow one tief for camera, NEPA go come take light. Una no see sey oku a gula. Ok make we talk sey dem come use cctv take identify one barawo, how dem wan take find am. Dem get records? Abi una no hear say naija get 120 million people. Lagos on im own na 12 million people and increasing by the day.
Make we even come assume say dem see the face, identify the tief come charge am to court, e yen wa ni kini. No be for una eye na im Tafa tell reporters say "i will bounce back". Abeg make una leave me hand. CCTV my foot. Dem done find anoder way wey dem go take chop money. Dem don see say EFCC dem no dey joke so na to apply anoder method of tief tief. Dis guys are going sophisticated. You know hear say Tafa be wan buy bank, we are talking serious money here men. If na me, immediately the deal enter like dis i don retire be dat. Chikena, Iyoku banza. Befor dem go say e don tief money, i don go back my village start one farm.
Abeg make una leave Naija police jo. Dem never fit deal wit introduction of computers na cctv dem one deal with. Abi you know any police station wey get computer? How dem dey take keep or track records of criminals? You stay there.
Anyway, make mesef leave una hand small. I go write again wen my head return to im normal size. se go be.
Anyway, inside tis tink tink na im i come begin tink about one tin wey dem write for naija paper. Wen i read am, i come digest am, i no con know weder to laugh or cry for my country. Wetin i read? No be IG for Naija police come talk sey dem wan put CCTV for Abuja and Lagos make dem take dey monitor crime. Abeg where i wan start dis discussion. Na light own we go talk abi na expertise abi na hunger wey wan kill policemen.
How dem plan power cctv wen dem dey for perpetual darkness. Ok not perpertual darkness but e remain small. If power supply dey as erratic as e dey now, e go hard dem to fit power the cctv oh. Abi una no see am so? Dem fit just dey follow one tief for camera, NEPA go come take light. Una no see sey oku a gula. Ok make we talk sey dem come use cctv take identify one barawo, how dem wan take find am. Dem get records? Abi una no hear say naija get 120 million people. Lagos on im own na 12 million people and increasing by the day.
Make we even come assume say dem see the face, identify the tief come charge am to court, e yen wa ni kini. No be for una eye na im Tafa tell reporters say "i will bounce back". Abeg make una leave me hand. CCTV my foot. Dem done find anoder way wey dem go take chop money. Dem don see say EFCC dem no dey joke so na to apply anoder method of tief tief. Dis guys are going sophisticated. You know hear say Tafa be wan buy bank, we are talking serious money here men. If na me, immediately the deal enter like dis i don retire be dat. Chikena, Iyoku banza. Befor dem go say e don tief money, i don go back my village start one farm.
Abeg make una leave Naija police jo. Dem never fit deal wit introduction of computers na cctv dem one deal with. Abi you know any police station wey get computer? How dem dey take keep or track records of criminals? You stay there.
Anyway, make mesef leave una hand small. I go write again wen my head return to im normal size. se go be.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Pidgin Poem
Party people in da house! How far? Una ears don dey itch? Well nutin spoil, I get some small okele for una. Wetin I wan give una today na sometin wey cross my mind wey I don apply to music befor. So today, I wan write una poem. But because I never perfect my own poem, I go give una translation of a popular poem. Dis na the poem wey Chinua Achebe get im title for im popular book "Things Fall Apart", but na only the first stanza i go translate. Abeg make una helep me read am.
The Second Coming
By William Butler Yeats (1921)
1st Stanza (English)
Turning and turning in a widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity
Translation into original pidgin English
As e dey turn, as e dey turn na im the tin dey scatter
The fowl e no fit hear the person wey get am;
Effrey tin come dabaru, the centre no fit holo again;
Na only confusion na im come dey dis wee world,
Na so the river wey be like blood dey vex,even e don drown the ceremony of the people wey be like pikin no sabi anytin;
The people wey better pass nko dem don tire while the ones wey no better at all na dia power come plenty pass.
End of translation
I try abi i no try? If una get a better translation oya foreward am to me. Ogadi later!
The Second Coming
By William Butler Yeats (1921)
1st Stanza (English)
Turning and turning in a widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity
Translation into original pidgin English
As e dey turn, as e dey turn na im the tin dey scatter
The fowl e no fit hear the person wey get am;
Effrey tin come dabaru, the centre no fit holo again;
Na only confusion na im come dey dis wee world,
Na so the river wey be like blood dey vex,even e don drown the ceremony of the people wey be like pikin no sabi anytin;
The people wey better pass nko dem don tire while the ones wey no better at all na dia power come plenty pass.
End of translation
I try abi i no try? If una get a better translation oya foreward am to me. Ogadi later!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Yeye Business Man
My People, e get one gist wey i wan give una. Weder na true abi na fabu make you decide.
Long time ago when i still small, na so one chap come meet me oh say im wan sell gun. Me kuma wey dey look for money come say dat na small runnings i go organise the sale for am. Anyway, go no go na im i take style withdraw because i don see say person fit enter trouble.
Somehow somehow sha dem come link another chap to help sell am, make we call am Natty. No be him Natty don begin make the rounds dey tell anybody wey care to listen say im get gun for sale. Na so e talk sotey e come reach the ear of one guy (i don forget im name, make we call am Abego). The following dialog follow
Abego: Natty na true say you get the tin to sell?
Natty: yes.
Abego; Ok i get person wey wan buy. I go bring am tomorrow come see you.
Natty: Ok
Tomorrow don reach now and as dem plan am na im Abego appear Natty with two people wey come buy gun.
Abego:(to the men) Na dis be the man wey get the gun wey im wan sell.
Man1: Oga na true say you get gun for sale?
Natty: Yes now. (e show dem the gun)
Man2: You sure say na real gun abi na imitation.
Natty: Look dis man oh! You tink say i be yeye business man. I say the gun na automatic, e dey shoot kpa kpa kpakpa kpa.
Man1: If na so, then i am placing you under arrest for the illegal possesion of a gun. Oya handcuff am, na area "F" get am.
Natty: Oga abeg! No be me get am...
The tin wey happen to Natty be say im oju kokoro na im put am for trouble. Also im no even take time take find out who im dey do business wit.
After a few days dem release Natty but not before dem blow blow all im eye and collect "settlement" from am.
Long time ago when i still small, na so one chap come meet me oh say im wan sell gun. Me kuma wey dey look for money come say dat na small runnings i go organise the sale for am. Anyway, go no go na im i take style withdraw because i don see say person fit enter trouble.
Somehow somehow sha dem come link another chap to help sell am, make we call am Natty. No be him Natty don begin make the rounds dey tell anybody wey care to listen say im get gun for sale. Na so e talk sotey e come reach the ear of one guy (i don forget im name, make we call am Abego). The following dialog follow
Abego: Natty na true say you get the tin to sell?
Natty: yes.
Abego; Ok i get person wey wan buy. I go bring am tomorrow come see you.
Natty: Ok
Tomorrow don reach now and as dem plan am na im Abego appear Natty with two people wey come buy gun.
Abego:(to the men) Na dis be the man wey get the gun wey im wan sell.
Man1: Oga na true say you get gun for sale?
Natty: Yes now. (e show dem the gun)
Man2: You sure say na real gun abi na imitation.
Natty: Look dis man oh! You tink say i be yeye business man. I say the gun na automatic, e dey shoot kpa kpa kpakpa kpa.
Man1: If na so, then i am placing you under arrest for the illegal possesion of a gun. Oya handcuff am, na area "F" get am.
Natty: Oga abeg! No be me get am...
The tin wey happen to Natty be say im oju kokoro na im put am for trouble. Also im no even take time take find out who im dey do business wit.
After a few days dem release Natty but not before dem blow blow all im eye and collect "settlement" from am.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
419ers
My people make una no vex oh! Na water wan pass gari but we thank the Lord. Una fit don begin wonder wetin don happen to una guy. Na the effrey day grind of life na im wan overtake me. Abeg make i tell una one tin wey happen to me last week.
No be him i don advertise for loot say i wan sell somtin. Quick, quick, i don begin receive emails say dem dey interested in wetin i wan sell. Dem ask for the condition of the item and how much i go gree sell am last. Me come tink say tis na correct oh, because the names wey i dey see na Richard Walters, Jim Cold mo ra won. Na im mesef done kia kia answer dem. Next email wey i go receive from dem now, dem come begin give me yarn. Dem dey weave me story say "somebody" dey owe dem money, so dem go send me the cheque for £4000. Make i pay am into my account and den i go deduct my own money come send dem the remaining wad. A won alakoba! One time na im i send dem reply say, mesef na naija oh make una no try dat 419 jazz. The guy reply dey hail me, say who i be make we do "business" togeder. My people na wa oh! I no blame dem na say dem no see the grey hair for my head, dem fon know say mesef na alagbari.
So therefore make una careful oh! Dis 419ers don enter anoder level. I hear say for Naija na yahoo boys dem dey call dem. Anybody wey begin weave you yarn wey sound too good, man make you run (even if later you find out say na genuine). If possible make una report am. To who? Make una ask me again, i go answer.
I hope say e no go take me anoder how many weeks to update dis blog. Abi una go helep me write. God bless.
No be him i don advertise for loot say i wan sell somtin. Quick, quick, i don begin receive emails say dem dey interested in wetin i wan sell. Dem ask for the condition of the item and how much i go gree sell am last. Me come tink say tis na correct oh, because the names wey i dey see na Richard Walters, Jim Cold mo ra won. Na im mesef done kia kia answer dem. Next email wey i go receive from dem now, dem come begin give me yarn. Dem dey weave me story say "somebody" dey owe dem money, so dem go send me the cheque for £4000. Make i pay am into my account and den i go deduct my own money come send dem the remaining wad. A won alakoba! One time na im i send dem reply say, mesef na naija oh make una no try dat 419 jazz. The guy reply dey hail me, say who i be make we do "business" togeder. My people na wa oh! I no blame dem na say dem no see the grey hair for my head, dem fon know say mesef na alagbari.
So therefore make una careful oh! Dis 419ers don enter anoder level. I hear say for Naija na yahoo boys dem dey call dem. Anybody wey begin weave you yarn wey sound too good, man make you run (even if later you find out say na genuine). If possible make una report am. To who? Make una ask me again, i go answer.
I hope say e no go take me anoder how many weeks to update dis blog. Abi una go helep me write. God bless.
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