Politiks

My public. How far? Una go don dey wonder say wey una guy. Well na me dis. The tin wey happen be sey, as I dey for annual leave for work na im I say make I kukuma take time out for writing.

For dis few days wey I take dey res, na im I begin to tink again. I come dey tink am sey next year na election year for Naija. Una know wetin dat one mean? E mean say anoder time don come for the sharing of the national cake. Na sidon look una dey look. Unu Naija pikin for diaspora una no go run go chop national cake? Abi na look una dey look?

Some people don tell me say dat next year dem go participate fully for the election. Well, more grease to their elbow. As long as say no be presidency dem dey go for. Any man pikin wey one try OBJ for dat next year, make e don first write im will. As i see na i go die put na im OBJ dey. You know say the man been be military man, e no dey take nonsense. Just look the way im nose set you go get the picture.

Me nko? Ahh!!! Una dey look for who una go kill. Me na from afar na im i dey involve mysef for the election. Na to dey run commentary na im i dey but partisan politics? no be me and una.

I don look democracy (demonstration of craze) for Naija i come compare am with the one for UK i come arrive at the conclusion say our own variety of democracy na the crude version. I dey watch Prime Minister's question time (na where the members of the house fit ask the Prime minister questions wey get to do with the gofment im policies etc) na im make me say our own version e crude. If you see how dem dey fire Tony Blair question. I come imagine make OBJ den appear the house for questioning, na fight ooh! Abi una no hear when e tell dem for dat bomb blast for my backyard for Onigbongbo say, is it because i came here i am not suppose to be here. Abi na the time wey e tell one CAN (Christian Association of Nigeria) member say, you must be an idiot. The man fit reply am? Dem no born am well. Any attempt to reply OBJ, e no for see sunlight for the next two years.

Me i support say our democracy must reflect our own Naija values and as such go different small from the kind democracy for America, England and the rest of the world. But, at least e most get certain characteristics wey go show say na democracy. Na democracy we get now for Naija? I don't tink so! E remain small. As dey say yo bale yo bale ni labalaba fin wo 'gbo.

My people time don reach to say au revoir.

"Ya Papa day"

Dem say today na fathers day or "ya papa day" if you like. Infact i no introduce mysef proper to una my public. Me i be a "young" guy, with a young wife and one small pikin. Wey dem piture dey? Make you wait small i still dey come.

En hen!.. As i dey talk since today na father's day, na im be say na feet up for me. Abi? No mowing of lawn, no sending on errands or asking to do chores. Na like dat magazine advert wey say, "women don't expect any help on thursdays". My major coup for today be say wen the Brazil match go start and dem wan disturb me i go just show dem yellow card say today na my day as na father's day so no disturbance.

I tink small about dis so called father's day i come wonder. During the time wey me i dey grow up i no know dat one oh. Infact i know say everyday na father's day for my papa, because wen him dey watch football you dey on your own if you try to disturb am. Besides im word na law. So im no need any special day to appreciate am. If you like no appreciate am now, make you see wetin im go take your eye see. Na wen you wan buy somtin na im you go realise say e important to constantly show am respect. Me as second to last pikin respect the man gan because i no say the man dey favour me anyhow!

Tink about am now. For naija you fit tell your papa say, "dad don't be silly". Ifoti lo ma gba! Abi make you tell your mama say, "you are being stupid mum". According to my mama "na dat day you go carry me for your back". Dis ilu oyinbo wey we dey so don dey spoil some of us parents, but i am going ahead of my self. Na because the parents wey dey here no get control over dem pickin na im make dem need special day to give dem self a pat on the back. To me oh, to a large extent dis father's day na to congratulate the fathers say upon all the rubbish wey your children don pour on you either literally or figuratively you still dey stand. Indeed me sef i follow dem congrate you.

Abeg mamas and papas, i dey take dis forum take beg una. Make una no let any pikin turn una to dosunmu oh. Immediately the pikin wan start iranu ke j'egba fun! The Good book says "spare the rod and spoil the child". I no talk say make una kill dem oh! Or make una turn dem into punching bag. Na me sef sef go report you if i find out. The tin wey i dey advocate be say make papas know dem rights and make dem no fail to instill discipline for dem pikin especially wen dem still young. Again the good book say make you show your child the way to go. Na im be say make you sef live by example.

Okay oh! I don tire small, make i take small res. e go be now! According to Mora, cheerio!

On "my" marks, get set,...

Well, here we go! This is definitely going to be different and interesting. why? That's because i intend to write only in pidgin english. Will i be able to stick to that? Only time will tell! It won't be strictly pidgin but also interlaced with small small english.
So make we start our journey...If i make mistake for my grammer or the spelling, dat is if i shell make una just take cover and carry on like say nutin nutin.
E don tey wey i don wan do dis blog tin, but i just dey tink sey i no go get the time to take do am. anyway, i don start now make i see how far?
How una dey? Me i be original man from Onigbongbo for Maryland wey dey Ikeja for Lagos but now i dey for good old England.
Una don hear say dem wan give part of naija to cameroon? na wah oh! Dem don share the oil finish. Who dem share am? No be my mouth una go hear say teacher mama die. Talking of die na so we hear say Chief Sunday Dankaro (former NFA chairman) don die. May his soul rest in perfect peace.
Well, my people Irin ti bere ni yen oh. I go sign out here, be good to yourself.